Santa divides his list between nice and naughty. Not nice and diabetic.
That red nose in the sky makes for fun target practice with a crossbow.
Mistletoe + Sister = Hot Make Out Session.
You can arrange your collection of taxidermy animals into a quaint manger scene.
There's just something magical about watching Santa try to land on a roof, while dodging meth lab explosions.
A jolly fat guy with a beard and beloved catchphrase? Duh . . . he's Santa the Cable Guy!
Candy canes are easier to slurp when you're toothless.
They get to finally turn those colorful lights decorating their house all year back on.
Spittoons make a great base for Christmas trees.
Four words: Eggnog and Boone's Farm.
Their wife-daughter only requires one stocking.
The Confederate flag looks so beautiful on top of the tree.
Who DOESN'T love a stocking filled with wife-beaters and Coors Light?
If the trap they set on their roof works as planned, it's reindeer stew for weeks!
If they're not having fun at a Christmas party, they can just drive their home to the next one.
Christmas is the one day of the year having loud, drunken fights with your relatives doesn't make you a pariah, so much as a regular American.
All that snow turns their entire yard into a Pabst Blue Ribbon cooler!