Dana McKenzie

Dana McKenzie

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The Top Ways to Give Dad a Truly Awesome Father's Day

 Here are The Top Ways to Give Dad a Truly Awesome Father's Day!


Leave him the hell alone and let him watch the damn game.

Take a 24-hour break from reminding him of all the ways he ruined your life.

Teach him how to watch porn on his iPhone.

Leave the friggin' remote someplace where he can find it without calling Scotland frickin' Yard.

Don't make him turn this car around.

Don't harass him about his cargo shorts.

Respectfully teach him how to wear sandals without socks.

Don't tell him you know who your REAL dad is.

Tell him he only has to pay 80% of your rent this month.

Drop him off at a strip club with $100 in singles and say, "See you in the morning!

For once, don't roll your eyes when he blames that smell on the dog.

Let him pick the restaurant.  I mean, c'mon.  It's not like Hooters is THAT bad.

Tell him you're finally going to move out of the damn basement.

Instead of buying something he'll just hate, give him the cash.  That $10 will come in handy!

Ask for his "kill" list and get the job finished.


Sit him down and finally explain what the hell "Instapic," "Snapbook," and "the Twitters" are.

Do your part to help convince your mom to get a comically huge pair of breast implants.

Show up to support him at his rape trial.  (Applies to Bill Cosby's kids only.)

Help him fill out a Tinder profile.

Pay for a hotel room for him and the woman he loves.  And then make sure mom never finds out.

Have someone record you while you're driving, so he can have proof that your car is running just fine.

Give him several jars with loosened lids, then say you can't open them but maybe he could give it a shot.

Forgive him for going to Cancun with his new girlfriend instead of making his child support payment

Show him your favorite free porn websites so he can stop paying for a "Penthouse" subscription.

When he asks, pull his finger.

Lie and say that you agree with his opinions when he talks politics.

Fill out a job application.

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